Jiva Education Ask Steve - Practical Tips and Consultations on Children's Education Problems by Educator Steven Rudolph

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Q: I have a 4.5 year-old son who is very hyperactive and sensitive. When I try to correct on any of his mistakes he gets irritated and tries to show his anger/aggression. He hesitates to talk with teachers and others. He is intelligent and active but this kind of nature is making us very uncomfortable. What is your suggestion to deal with such kids?

Rajbir Kaur, Chandigarh

A: Hi Rajbir! Thanks for writing to Ask Steve. Here are a few tips to help your son cope with hyperactivity.

Do not force him to sit for a long time. Make him study at intervals planned by you. Give him positive reinforcement, whenever he is quiet or under conscious direction. Create short-term goals for him so that he can realise more successes, and find activities which will absorb the need to be hyperactive.
Avoid asking questions to your son as to why, e.g., he has pushed the person next to him. This does not mean that the behaviour should be condoned. Treat such acts as a temporary lack of self-control.
Have him keep a chart of how many times you have corrected them. Try role playing in a private conference. Switch roles with your son. Let you become hyperactive and let him become the parent. This will allow him to observe how his hyperactivity appears to others.

Your son may be suffering from a common disorder in children called ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder). This can, however, be optimally controlled with some lifestyle changes and Ayurvedic remedies.

Please avoid giving him corporal punishment such as hitting or beating. According to Ayurveda, your son has low Ojas (immunity) due to which his Vata Dosha is aggravated combined with a raised Rajas (a mental quality found among hyperactive children) level.

Jiva has an excellent ADHD package. You may ask for it by calling Jiva’s helpline directly at +91-129-4088152 or give us your telephone number at asksteve@jiva.com for a call back.

Give these tips and resources a try and let us know how you make out!

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Q: I would like to discuss about my 9-year old son, studying in class IV. Earlier he was a normal child who talked and expressed his feelings. But for the past 6 months, he has turned very reserved both in school and at home. There is also a changed (matured) behaviour towards his 6-year old sister. I don't know the reason. Please help.

Shamita Bhargava, Ludhiana

A: Hi Shamita! Nothing compares with personal attention from a loved one—no amount of money, toys, etc. Children of his age are very impressionable and you must make sure your son has more adult supervision—if not you, a friend or relative or an after-school programme. And it must be someone WHO CARES ABOUT HIM. You MUST FIND A WAY even if it means giving up other things. If you don't, there are strong chances it will only get worse.

From the background that you have provided us, we can say your son at the moment is undergoing a stressful phase. Please ensure there was no abuse by father or uncle. Here are a few tips you can try to relieve his stress.

Do not burden him with your problems. Instead, talk to him about the family's goals and discuss difficulties or problems in a friendly manner. When you are under extra stress, be sure that you are not passing it on to your son. Set a good example by demonstrating self-control and coping skills yourself. He can benefit by seeing how you cope successfully with stress.
Do not overburden your son with too many after-school activities and responsibilities. Let him learn to pace himself and choose what he is really interested in. Have reasonable expectations and set manageable goals in academic and extracurricular fields. Do not enroll him in every class that comes along, and do not expect him to be first in everything.
You can help ease stress from your son’s life by paying personal attention to his problems. Talk to your son and listen to what he has to say. Find out what is happening in his life and take an active interest in it. Be sensitive to changes in his behaviour and respond to them appropriately.
Giving a hug to your son to smooth out a stressful situation is an excellent way to reassure your commitment to him. Compliment him when he does well. Use humour to buffer bad feelings and situations. Children who learn to use humour themselves will be better able to keep things in perspective.
Teach him to take deep breaths during crunch situations, which will help him to relax. Ask him to focus on what is going on at that moment. Taking deep breaths provides more oxygen to the body, eases tension and allows the body to relax.
You should take a break from your regular routine occasionally and take him out for a walk. Include physical activities such as practising yoga, playing soccer or cricket, riding on cycles or bikes, etc to help him invigorate and freshen up himself. Exercise is a great stress buster.
Encourage relationships with extended family members, friends and helpful neighbours. Just knowing that there is someone else to turn to or share feelings with can be reassuring for children. Spending quality time together or having a few good laughs together goes a long way in reducing stress and in building solid family relationships.

Give these tips and resources a try and let us know how you make out!

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Q: My daughter is aged 5.5 years old and weights 16 Kg. She does not eat much. Since childhood she has been drinking milk in a bottle. She eats one or two chapatti per day and wants to eat junk food though that also in small quantity. Kindly help me in telling how to make her eat healthy food so that she has age-appropriate weight.

Rosey, Lucknow

A: Hi Rosey! If you set aside all the negative aspects, junk food contains lots of flavours to tickle the taste buds of children and grown-ups alike. Children learn what they live. So if you as a parent do not set the right example, by eating a healthy diet yourself, your daughter too will be tempted away from a healthy diet. Below are some tips:

Avoid yelling or forcing your daughter to sit at the table for hours until the food is gone. At the same time you should try not to offer rewards for every bite of food ingested.
You can gradually introduce new foods into her diet. You can set a good example by buying only nutritious foods and eating the very things you want your daughter to eat.
Involve her in planning meals, shopping for foods and preparing them. A food that normally has a lukewarm reception may become a delicacy if she helped make it.
Repeated exposure to foods greatly increases the likelihood of your daughter eating them. You can prepare the food in different ways, but offer it on a consistent basis, especially, when she will be the hungriest. Offering food as part of a nutrition activity or snack may make it more interesting.
Since your daughter eats small quantities of food, prepare tempting dishes with small portions for her. At breakfast time, you can include a piece of banana, a few grapes, small toast strips with peanut butter and a handful of daliya (cracked wheat).
In the above case, even if she picks, you know the food is of high quality. Use this technique both at lunch and dinner. Keep a refrigerator stocked with great snacks. Children enjoy low fat yogurt, fresh sliced vegetables, sliced fruits, and nutritious cereals.
Purchase a few health food cook books and make cookies with oatmeal, bran, raisins, honey and brown sugar. Choose recipes with ingredients that she particularly enjoys.
Take the trouble of cooking regularly at home and serve home-made food in an attractive way. Working mothers often find junk food an easy way to silence intermittent bouts of hunger of their children. This saves them from the trouble of cooking the food themselves.
Show her “loving sternness” to discourage consumption of junk food. Another reason for children yearning for junk food is excessive pampering by the parents and always allowing them to have their way in consuming junk food.
Explain and discuss with her the pros and cons of TV ads promoting junk food. Television ads depicting junk food in a delicious and tantalising form act as boosters for increasing appetite for junk food in children.
Explain to her the benefits of eating fresh, healthy, and organic. Sometimes eating out junk food in a particular restaurant or eatery gives children a false pride among friends.
Practise what you preach. Try to minimise the intake of junk food yourself as well.
Determine her Ayurvedic body type. You should know that there are three body types—Vata, Pitta, and Kapha. Ayurveda suggests different diets for each of these body types. Once, you find out her body type, you will be in a better position to decide her food and lead a healthy life. You can visit our website www.jiva.com for tips on how to find out her body type and what to eat.

Give these tips and resources a try and let us know how you make out!

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Q: Sir, my son is in 4th Std. He is very stubborn. He often throws a tantrum at us and would not stop until we give in to his demand. He is more interested in playing rather than studying regular school work. I beat him lot of times, but to no avail. Please give me a solution to my problem.

Alka, Orissa

A: Hi! Alka, Have no worry! With my time-tested tips (adapted from my Law of Learning: Teach Your Child Rules) your son will definitely become a normal child studying, playing and making strides in life. And please, don’t give him corporal punishment as that is going to have only negative effects in the long run.

STUBBORNNESS: Let us deal with his being Ziddi (stubborn). Here are a few tips which you can use when your son is normally behaving (e.g., when he is preparing to go to bed):

Teach your child that for every action there is a reaction. First, try to give him plenty of examples of actions and reactions: You put the batteries in the correct way and the remote works. / They forgot to lock the door and thieves entered and stole things from the house. / You brought your cap and you didn’t get cold.
Teach your child consequences. Elaborate by explaining the term consequences—that consequences are effects or results of specific actions. And more importantly, that all consequences (good or bad) are results of people’s having followed certain rules or breaking them.
Teach him to think before acting. One of the greatest mistakes that we all make is acting or speaking before we think about it. When we do so, we run the risk of hurting people’s feelings, overreacting, etc., and as such, having to bear the consequences. Teach him how often we feel regretful and say things like, “I should have thought more carefully before doing that.”
Coach him to seeing the other side. More important than rules are an individual’s ability to consider someone else’s point of view when acting. You can help build your son’s ability to be sensitive to others feelings simply by asking, “How do you think he feels right now.” This can be in real life contexts as well as in movies and books. “How do you think the princess feels right now? Why?”
Teach him to do the right thing. In the face of conflicting elements (his feelings, his desires, others’ feelings, etc.) your son is unsure of what is the right decision to take. One bit of advice you can share with him is that whenever he has to make a hard decision, try to “do the right thing”—thing that is most beneficial for everyone involved—him, others and the environment.
Teach your child to make trade-offs for a win-win solution. Teach him to make trade-offs—in other words, that there are some things that you can get, and even if you get some things, it might not be as good as getting everything, but it is certainly better than getting nothing. It will teach him good negotiation skills. It will also help him realise that he is not the only boy on the planet.

Give these tips and resources a try and let us know how you make out! It is only upon receiving your feedback that we can take our next course of action.

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Q: I am 18. For years, I am going through great mental depression. I left school a year ago without any certificate, as I could not catch up with others. I am keen to start anew abroad. Please suggest.

Maitree, Kolkata

A: Hi Maitree! Thank you for writing to Ask Steve. First of all, you should know that failure is the stepping stone to success. Some of the greatest people in world once failed in their lives. If you don’t believe, just find out from the Internet how world famous physicist Dr. Albert Einstein, while a school student, once failed in Physics! Also, the greatest Indian mathematician Srinivas Ramanujan Iyenger could not clear his 11^th standard. Similarly, Abraham Lincoln failed several times in several elections before he went on to become the greatest American President.

I have an understanding of your situation from your explanation and I would like to answer as follows:

You are unique with your own unique strengths and weaknesses and there is no question of CATCHING UP WITH OTHERS. So starting your studies abroad anew is a good idea if it is possible for you. Otherwise, there are hundreds of other options for you at your location itself.
You need to begin by identifying your unique nature. Otherwise you might always go around with "misfit" feelings. There is a place for you in this world, you can be sure of that. That is why God put you here. He's just giving you the challenge of figuring that out for yourself. I have created a method to help people find out their place in life. It's the What’s My Nature (www.whatsmynature.com) website wherein you can give a 7-minute test to identify your unique nature. You should do the test and figure out your ideal career path. It's critical to know your nature—that is the key to success.
You are an intelligent and articulate individual. Spend some time contemplating deeper, spiritual issues of life. Get yourself a copy of Yoga of Dejection by Dr. Satya Narayana Dasa. It clearly explains the human condition you are facing right now, and it provides a spiritual solution (which I feel is what you really need).

After you do the test, you can contact me again as I'll have something concrete to discuss for solving this problem. Do send in your feedback.

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